Come In
2/26/23 - this was actually a writing prompt for class! the prompt was to display a character with flaws and hangups having an ephiphany of sorts, and having some sort of character development with another. being insane about adam and benjamin at the time, i took the opportunity to try and explore my little world of them.
just to preface this because it may be a little off canon (my friends and i play with our oc and headcanon dolls all the time and we ended up with a weird adam), this adam is sort of an interpretation where he's sort of become so lost in his interpretation of carmen's goal that he's begun to cling onto her like a divine figure of sorts. he also speaks hella weird. in my friends and i's little world, adam leapt into the Well to join his dead gf and ended up kind of fucked up from it both physically (Why Are You White, scars/tattoos) and mentally (I hear my dead GF in my brain, she loves me and wants me to bring light to the world with monsters actually).
also uh ABC is a thing but idk if its really mentioned her eit can be kinda vague
hope u liek! or dont idk but pls dont tell me im shy
Benjamin seemed to love pestering me daily, and I am not sure why. Is it out of loneliness? Pity? Perhaps even the desire to join me in my cause? Well, it cannot possibly be the latter. For when I have offered him the fruit of redemption, even when I took the mercy to offer him second hand in leading the new world I am going to craft in Her image, he declined.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright, sir,” he would say, standing outside my office door. Or perhaps, “I was wondering if we could just sit together, like how we used to.” Foolish one, does he not realize how much precious time would be wasted doing such trivial things when one could be working towards Her goal in ridding humanity of its inner disease? The poor old man seems to be slowly losing hope—natural, where would one be without my guidance? Wallowing in waste and filth like those shackled down in the streets around us? But now he has begun to actively avoid my department, only dropping in for what is necessary under his job description, such as delivering reports or updates on the status of the facility.
For that exact reason, I have decided to amuse him, just this once.
“I am not offering this because I would like to be friends,” I told him today, after calling him down to my department on the lowest floor in the facility. Not my office, my department. He stays behind that door and I speak to him from inside. I have no need for him to go snooping around my quarters. “I simply do not wish to lose your faith. You must know that I am the only one capable of redeeming us for our past sins, Benjamin.”
He took a great pause, maybe out of disbelief. No, I was not one for meaningless mingling. I had lost interest in speaking to anyone other than my own great thoughts and Her echoing words in my brain. But if this is what it will take to get Benjamin back on my side, I will take such an obstacle and forge it into a stairwell, lifting us closer to Carmen and the world She couldn’t live to see.
“I…do wish we could just sit down and enjoy a simple dinner again just for fun, sir Adam,” he said, gracefully using the new name bestowed upon me by Her own will, “but I’d be a fool to turn this down. I’d be more than happy to join you tonight.”
“Great,” I said, my lips slithering into a grin. “You will meet me here no later than 6 tonight. I will have dinner ready and waiting for you.”
“I’m happy for the time you’re giving me tonight, sir,” he said quite obediently. “I can only hope someday you’ll accept my own time as well.”
“Don’t be silly,” I chortled. “Now go on, I need to get back to my work.”
The time flew by without me realizing. I was in the corner of my office, like I am every day through night, working on my plan to save humanity from eating itself alive. It isn’t an easy responsibility to be tasked with, but for Her I am willing to take whatever burden She bestows upon me. Today, I was quite focused on reprinting the labels on my human map. Labeled throughout the collage of medical diagrams is each and every part of a human that can possibly be used to harvest Cogito, a natural substance Carmen had dedicated her life to studying and understanding. Cogito, once extracted, allows for the forging of physical objects using only the power of thought. The labels on my diagram have been faded by the artificial light illuminating my office. They were written by a version of myself from years and years ago, one I could no longer remember nor begin to miss. I write over those initial engravings each time they begin to fade lest our research be lost to time.
It is no surprise that, given the utmost care I take to perfectly replicate my old self’s markings, I was quite irritated to be interrupted by a knock on my door. I stayed perfectly quiet.
“Adam?”
Oh. That’s right. It was him.
“I’m here for dinner. May I come in?”
“Yes, in a moment. Stay put where you are, flesh husk.” I lay my hand on the chest of the human diagram, furrowing my brow in annoyance. But I took the time to shut my eyes and think, focusing in on a normal, decent lunch for the two of us. If I put enough thought into it, I can manifest physical objects into my office through the use of Cogito. It does not work all the time. When I try to picture a grand hall for me to get lost in, or an ultimate device to fulfill Carmen’s goal, or even to picture Carmen herself standing before me again— they never appear. I am convinced I am only given what I need. What I need right now is this chance to get Benjamin back to my side.
This seems to be proven as the right course of action by Her will. A perfectly normal dinner appears on my desk with a clatter of dishes. Two dishes. One for me, one for him.
“You may enter.”
His entrance is nothing spectacular. He awkwardly opens my door, holding the doorknob firmly as if it’d be ripped away from him, emerging meekly. It creaks open. I must get that door fixed. It seems to make noise each time he enters.
He steps in and closes the door behind him with a click. It creaks as it did when it had opened. He straightens his back as much as he can, and takes a moment to look around my office. His eyes seem to stop and linger on its decoration, on my diagrams, my models, my tubes and containers of bright green fluid and the plethora of notes and documents that I have arranged in a comfortable display of my success. All the work and devotion I have put forward for Her. He says nothing. His eyes shift to look at me, and then downwards to gaze upon the standard meal I have summoned for the both of us.
“Dinner is ready,” I say. “Shall we?”
“I haven’t been here in quite some time,” the old man said, completely ignoring me. “You, ah…I see you’ve been decorating?”
“Carmen’s provided this meal for the two of us.”
“Do you need help tidying up sometime? Adam, you’ve let this place get so messy…”
“Nonsense. It’s as I’d like it to be.”
“I’ve always known you as a tidier person.”
“You know nothing of me as I am now, just as I know nothing of you. Sit down and join me, Benjamin.”
He sat. I did, too. We had to push aside some documents and miscellaneous desk adornments in order to make room for our communion. He grunted a bit as he made himself comfortable. I laid my hands on my desk, feeling some stray pens and paper clips gently dig into them, and gracefully aligned myself with my dish. I do not take my eyes off of him, so he is aware I am here solely to amuse him.
“It’s a nice dinner,” he said, picking up his fork and looking me back in the eyes. “You said Carmen made this?”
“She allowed me to manifest it through the power of Cogito. It is a powerful thing, Benjamin.”
“I know, sir.”
He poked and prodded at his meal. I kept my eyes trained on him. When he glanced back up at me and noticed me staring, he hastily piled some food on his fork and began to eat. I noticed his eyes slightly squint and his brow furrow. It passes like a wave licking at the beach, and soon he is gazing up at me once more.
“I’ve missed you a lot, sir Ay—Adam.” Benjamin cleared his throat. “I know I say this a lot, but I truly do mean it.”
“I don’t know how you can miss someone you barely understand.”
He sighs.
“I know you are no longer the man I once knew. But you remember me, and you remember the horrible sins we’ve both committed. Surely you must remember the good as well.”
“There’s no use in dawdling in the past, Benjamin, good or bad.” I smirk. I suppose he is quite old now, but must I repeat myself every time? “I do not let the past chain me. I break loose and focus on our future. You should, as well.”
Benjamin says nothing for a moment. He just picks up his fork again, eyes it for a few seconds, and continues to eat. My dish stays untouched.
“There’s not a lot of room,” he says after a while. “If you’d like, I could organize your desk for you. That way we could make some room for a cup of tea for each of us.”
“No need. My desk stays the way it is.”
“Are you sure?” He extends his hand out to reach for my arm, and I quickly move it away. “You’re shifting around so much. There’s barely any room for you. I could make us a pot of tea. Mint, just the way you like it.” He reached out to take a scattered pile of paper in his hands and began to straighten them. I am not sure what came over me, but I moved impossibly fast to grab his arm and hold it as tightly as I could. I did not let him move another inch. I felt genuine fear in my chest the moment those papers shifted, and I could not possibly fathom how he could do such a thing.
“Leave it!” I snapped. “...The desk will stay as it is, and that’s that.”
“I—I apologize.” He looks down at his arm. I realize my grip is quite tight on his frail wrist. My hands were shaking. I let go without a word and sat back down, he drew back his arm and went back to picking at his dish.
We stay silent. I feel shame creep into my chest. I do not know why I acted so harshly. It wasn’t even an important stack of documents, just some scrap paper. I bow my head, shifting my gaze to my food. It remained pristine.
“...She’d always leave your place like this, wouldn’t she?” He recalls with a smile.
“What?”
“Carmen.”
Her name seemed to echo against the walls of my office as he spoke it. I felt an emotion swell in my chest. It must be anger. I am not too sure.
“I suppose.” I withheld myself.
He chuckles lightly.
“I remember you always trying to keep your office so tidy. But whenever we stopped by to say hi to you, she’d start messing with your stuff and just tear the room apart by the time she was done with it.”
I took my fork in one hand and began to explore it in my hand. I maintained eye contact, but it was getting hard. I didn’t answer.
He remembers more of her than I do.
“I’m sorry. I miss her a lot, too.” He sighed. “It’s just so…quiet. Without her.” He lowered his fork. I lifted my own to my mouth and took a bite. It was as flavorless as always.
“It has been,” I said. I bit down on my fork. This place has been devoid of life ever since she passed. I had begun to trick myself into thinking I liked it better this way.
“You know, it’s hard enough to lose her,” he said. “I…look. Adam, I don’t want to lose you too.” He was looking at me with some sort of disappointment, I could feel it. But I did not dare meet his eyes. “It’s been a really long time since you got out of this office. Can we take a walk together, get some fresh air? This office is quite small.”
“No,” I quickly said. “I like it here.”
“You don’t have to,” he said. “But the facility’s empty. it’d be just us, and Carmen, I suppose. She watches over us all, you know.” I know it more than anyone.
“...Carmen…? What do you think?” I try to hone into the deepest recesses of my brain, to try and get Her guidance. But for once, she says nothing. I hear absolutely nothing. Not even a gut feeling.
“I think she’d already be waiting for us outside,” Benjamin says with a smile. “We can finish dinner later, I promise.”
“...I have work to do.”
“I could help you. I’d be happy to, anytime.”
And like that, he’s on my side once again. But…no. This cannot be right. Where is my feeling of triumph? Where is Carmen’s vision laid before us? His unwilling devotion to my cause? Where is the final vision of him and I, staring upon our work, Carmen’s work, as humanity metamorphosizes and transforms into the monsters lying inside them, just as She had wanted? I stare out at the door beyond him. I could not see a thing.
Benjamin turned to face where I was looking, and he must have been thinking the same thing because he turned back to me and gave me a smile.
“I know it’s…hard. You don’t have to go through that door if you don’t want to. But I promise, this time there won’t be any surprises.” He offered his hand.
I do not take it. Instead, I continued to stare down that door. That damned door. I have not opened it ever since I entered this office. The last time I opened a door like this, Carmen never opened her eyes again.
But she has been with me ever since, hasn’t she? She guides everything I do. She is the reason why I do not choose to lay down and die like a dog. When have I ever truly laid her to rest? What am I even afraid of?
How could someone so paralyzed by fear at the thought of opening a mere door ever live up to Her ideal?
I lifted myself off my chair. I glanced back to Benjamin.
“Benjamin,” I said. “We have known each other for…a very long time, haven’t we?”
“Yes, Adam.”
“You know what it was like. How much it hurt us.”
“I still feel it every day, sir Adam.”
“I have been a prisoner here, haven’t I?”
“I do miss seeing you out and about. I really do.”
He’s right behind me as I approach the door. I haven’t seen what lies behind it in so very long. I take a deep breath as I extend my hand to the doorknob. I glance behind me once more. He is still there, close by and waiting.
“What am I so afraid of?” I glare at the door, but I feel my legs grow unsteady and weak.
“I’m here,” said Benjamin. He put a hand on my arm. “I’ve been here this entire time. I won’t leave your side while you open this door, alright?”
My hands take the doorknob. His hand joins me. I feel his palm against the back of my hand. It is a familiar touch, and I begin to remember. I missed that feeling. I cannot find the words for it. Perhaps it is the isolation catching up to me.
Things are different now. I no longer face this door alone. She will not be there on the other side, and perhaps that is a good thing.
I slowly twist it. The door shifts and begins to open. It does not make a sound as I do. We step through, and we leave my office behind.